On Jealousy: Definition, Impact and Ways to Cope with It

Oh, jealousy! A mortal sin in Christianity, a feeling that we tend to deny precisely when we feel it! Personally, I admit I have been jealous a few times. And why not admitting it? Jealousy is a complex emotion able to affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background. It is a feeling that can emerge in various situations, whether in relationships, careers, or personal achievements. It has motivated many dramatic events in human history and it will keep doing so. Here we define jealousy, we explore its impact, and we suggest ways to manage it so it doesn’t destroy our lives.

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A definition of jealousy

But first, what is jealousy? Collins Dictionary defines jealousy as “the feeling of anger or bitterness which someone has when they wish that they could have the qualities or possessions that another person has”. So, jealousy is an emotion directly associated to our day-to-day social interactions, hence it is very common and affects all spheres of our social life.

Impacts of jealousy

One doesn’t need to be an expert to see what effects jealousy can have. First of all, it corrupts our mental health. Have you noticed that, when you are jealous, your mind is dominated by thoughts relevant to the person yo are jealous of? And have you noticed that those thoughts can negatively affect your productivity and, ultimately, your own growth?

Also, jealousy affects one’s relationships. This emotion can create trust issues and arguments between two or more parties. It can be very counterproductive at work too, because it can create unhealthy competition, which will increase discomfort for your whole team.

Finally, it affects our reputation. A person who tends to be jealous has a specific behavioral pattern, which includes gossiping, trying to reduce the value of others’ achievements, intentionally making others feel uncomfortable in public or in front of a respected figure, to name just a few. Jealousy is visible and is a subject of discussion for many and your name being in people’s mouths in matters of jealous behavior damages the image that you should have as a lady and as a professional. Now, reputation is a valuable thing, especially for us women, because it is what can help us bounce back in times of great need.

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Coping with your jealousy

Jealousy is an unpopular but integral feature of human nature. We all dislike it, yet none of us can deny feeling it at least once in our lives. So, what do we do when we feel jealous?

The first step is to acknowledge the feeling and see it as it is, without coloured lenses. Acknowledge that jealousy has been triggered inside you by something or somebody. But don’t stop at that. Feel the urge to reason with yourself and eliminate the emotion.

And here comes the second step, which I’ve learned from a life coach. Say firmly to yourself the following phrase: “stop the narrative”. It works because it interrupts the thoughts that have been triggered in yor head as a result of jealousy. It really feels like hitting the brakes!

Work on yourself in the long-term. Make a list of your own qualities and assets. What are you proud of yourself for? What possessions do you have? List them all and feel grateful for them. Each person is unique, with our own qualities, relationships and possessions. Our tendency in focusing on what we haven’t instead on what we are blessed with is just sad…

On the other hand, you can use the emotion of jealousy to your advantage. List the things that trigger feelings of jealousy inside you. Ask yourself and answer honestly and extensively: what is that you envy? Why? Do you want it in your life too? Would it suit you? Once you have clear and extensive answers to these questions, find out how to acquire those things or qualities and get to work until you’ve done so. Soon you will be too busy to feel jealous.

How to manage others’ jealousy

Other people’s jealousy can feel frustrating, because it is something beyond our control. We can’t tell someone how to feel about us and certainly we can’t stay idle our whole life so that we don’t trigger others’ jealousy! Believe me, I’ve been the victim of jealousy (we all have been), and I’ve seen that avoiding making progress or showing it won’t make my life any easier in that sphere… However, acknowleding the problem and handling it with grace makes a big difference and minimizes the damage that is potentially done to you by jealous behavior.

First of all, remember to stay positive. Maintaining a positive attitude is crucial, as responding to jealousy with negativity can escalate the situation. Instead, focus on your own actions and continue to behave in a manner that is true to your own values.

Secondly, foster empathy. Try to understand where the jealousy might be coming from. Often times, it is rooted in the other person’s insecurities or challenges. Empathizing with their situation can help you respond with compassion rather than defensiveness.

It is also crucial to set boundaries. If someone’s jealousy manifests in harmful or disruptive ways, it’s important to set clear boundaries. Let them know what behavior is acceptable and what isn’t, and stick to those boundaries. If the foul behavior continues, end your relationship with them.

Furthermore, seeking support can help immensely. If the jealousy becomes overwhelming or affects your mental well-being, don’t hesitate to seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can provide guidance and perspective. Make sure to provide your own point of view as well as the other side’s.

Additionally, practice kindness. Responding to jealousy with kindness can sometimes defuse tension. Showing understanding and offering support can change the dynamic of the relationship. Kindness always takes us far and in bitter situations it can do wonders. Only make sure that your act genuinelly -not strategically- kind.

Finally, try to protect your own mental energy. It’s essential to protect your own mental health. Engage in self-care practices and ensure that you’re not internalizing the negative emotions directed towards you. What others feel about you has to do with themselves, not yourself.

You should remember, though, that how you deal with jealousy is often a reflection of your character. Handling such situations with professionalism and empathy can not only help defuse potential conflicts but also foster a more positive environment for everyone involved. It’s also important to recognize that jealousy is a natural emotion, and it’s not always within your control to change how others feel. What you can control is your response and how you let it affect you.

In conclusion, jealousy is part of human nature and managing it professionally and with grace is crucially for our well-being and social life.

Untill next time, classy and bright ladies!